<What to do about Guilty>

What to Do About Guilt

Many people caring for an older person at home feel guilty at some time during their caregiving. They may feel guilty because they feel they are not doing a good job of giving care. They may feel guilty because they feel angry or upset with the person they are caring for. Some people feel guilty almost out of habit. They have learned from childhood to feel guilty when something goes wrong.

Although feeling guilty is understandable, it can interfere with doing the best possible job of caregiving. Guilt makes you think only about what you did wrong, while most problems have many causes and what you did is only part of the reason for the problem. To solve a problem, you have to look objectively at all of the causes and then develop plans to deal with the whole problem. Dwelling on guilt feelings will rob you of precious energy that you need to cope with new problems.

Here are some things you can do to deal with feelings of guilt:

• Talk to other people who have gone through similar experiences about what happened and how they felt. It is often easier to see a situation objectively when it happens to someone else, and this can give you perspective on your own problems.

• Don't expect yourself to be perfect. Expecting perfection in yourself can cause guilt to be a regular part of your life. It is helpful to remember that you are human, and, therefore, you will make mistakes from time to time.

• Don't dwell on mistakes. Accept mistakes and get beyond them as best you can. Forgive yourself for your shortcomings. The Eldercare at Home chapter on "Depression" has useful ideas for controlling negative thinking.

This article is an excerpted from the Eldercare at home. Written by Peter S. Houts, PhD. From The Foundation for Health in Aging, AGS

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