Preparing Family Members to Be Caregivers

By Pamela B. Smith, Director, Aging & Independence Services

County of San Diego • Health & Human Services Agency • Aging & Independence Services (AIS) Caregiver Coalition

Tony and Michele Henkins are just beginning what might be a long, long journey. His 86-year-old mother, BeBe, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease only two months ago. The couple has already sold their home in Los Angeles and moved nearby the Carlsbad house his mom has owned for more than 30 years.

Although BeBe is mostly capable of taking care of herself now, they have learned that with this progressive disease there will be what he calls "a next step" and a next step and a next step.

The Henkinses are a rare couple; they want to prepare for her (and their) future with this disease. Too often family members put off learning about their loved one's health problems and avoid taking advantage of the resources that could help them. Then there's a crisis and they don't know where to turn.

Tony and Michele are getting ahead of their caregiver situation. They are soaking up everything they can get their hands on regarding dementia and elder care. The family already made durable powers of attorney and a living trust. His mom recently gave up her car keys, with the urging of her doctor, and they are coping with the transportation needs. BeBe has started attending an Alzheimer's day care program. The couple is involved in a support group and can get a glimpse of what's ahead from the other caregivers.

"I have peers in somewhat the same situation we are, but they don't have any anticipatory strategies," says Tony. "They don't have a will, powers of attorney. And no one wants to broach these things."

Among the many advisors the Henkinses have consulted is Kathy Mason, awareness trainer and member of the countywide Caregiver Coalition, a coalition of service providers and others seeking to improve the lives of family caregivers. "Kathy has been making us more aware of what can be done," Tony says.

The Caregiver Coalition seeks to ready family caregivers for challenges they might face, and steer them to the right help along the way.

If you know someone who is a family caregiver and who is struggling, please share this article with them, encourage them call the County's Aging & Independence Services Call Center at (800) 510-2020.

Also steer the caregivers you know who have Internet access to a couple of excellent local Web sites: www.sandiego.networkofcare.org/aging and www.sandiegoeldercare.com, which has an online chat room for family caregivers plus many local resources. There's also a national Web site with good general information for family caregivers: www.familycaregiving101.org.

Family caregivers should keep their eyes out for the 2006 edition of the SignOnSanDiego/San Diego Union-Tribune's San Diego Eldercare Directory, which is available from November. The books were distributed widely at libraries, senior centers and other sites.